mardi, mars 16, 2004
but i don't think i can stop it either. why not. because the reaction is there for a reason. it is to stop me from breaking down. to stop an obsessive mind from circular thinking, from unending worries.
it keeps me sane.
and it keeps me alive.
and i have been rather sane lately, and rather alive. it has been quite awhile since i have done something 'insane', and quite a while since i've thought about death.
but it's back yet suppressed now. i should find something to distract myself.
but i'm tired. and there are things that can stress me out should i decide to stress myself out.
and amongst one of the many things i secretly desire to do now, is to enjoy a perfectly spoken english language conversation with someone who can converse and think fluently in english. it might not apply to all, but it delights me to be able to avoid conversations that merely consists of attention-seeking whining and silly remarks. as a sidenote, i find that i have been using the word 'ridiculous' rather often lately. i do not know whether it is due to my poor vocabulary or the seemingly absurdity of my surroundings.
there are no words you can say to cheer me up
nor ways to cure my ways
the only hope is for me to forget
or unconsciously fall to change
it never ceases to be surprising, that i am alive so long
shall this be a long message. perhaps. perhaps not. who knows. i just feel like rambling. feel like venting it out. venting out a frustration, a lost mind, and above all, i believe i am avoiding reality, avoiding things. believe that the appearance of certain events have just blanked out my mind, and caused unhealthy rejections.
but i don't think i can stop it either. why not. because the reaction is there for a reason. it is to stop me from breaking down. to stop an obsessive mind from circular thinking, from unending worries.
it keeps me sane.
and it keeps me alive.
and i have been rather sane lately, and rather alive. it has been quite awhile since i have done something 'insane', and quite a while since i've thought about death.
but it's back yet suppressed now. i should find something to distract myself.
but i'm tired. and there are things that can stress me out should i decide to stress myself out.
and amongst one of the many things i secretly desire to do now, is to enjoy a perfectly spoken english language conversation with someone who can converse and think fluently in english. it might not apply to all, but it delights me to be able to avoid conversations that merely consists of attention-seeking whining and silly remarks. as a sidenote, i find that i have been using the word 'ridiculous' rather often lately. i do not know whether it is due to my poor vocabulary or the seemingly absurdity of my surroundings.
there are no words you can say to cheer me up
nor ways to cure my ways
the only hope is for me to forget
or unconsciously fall to change
it never ceases to be surprising, that i am alive so long
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