vendredi, avril 30, 2004
   

feeling of inferiority, rejection, sadness.
total loss as to how to continue.
sad reality. despicable circumstances. utter irritation and regret.
i have not been in a good mood. for a long long time. i doubt it will heal soon.
so


jeudi, avril 29, 2004
   

Three feet away the jagged line runs
as marked an hour ago when the earth collapsed
even now the crowds stream in
for the loved ones, the lost ones, the missing ones.

i sit here, by the crater rim, pondering
the mangled mass that lies beneath.
tracking the harsh pale mist rising.
as the last tuft of soil tumbles in.

wailing screams, blaring horns,
creaking iron and hurried shouts
can't alter the finality of the wreckage
can't arouse the deathly silence of destruction

time has not watered down the sharp edges
nor blended in the new soil mounds.
rain has not filled the newborn hollow
with the summer's seeds and leaves.

Death mourns not for those passed away
Victors not weep for the fallen
Life shall not regret life gone by


mercredi, avril 28, 2004
   

it doesn't matter that no one can read. it doesn't matter anyone. because i don't care. I. .D.O.N.'.T. .C.A.R.E.

just another pointless meaningless day which amounted to nothing, NOTHING. no meaning, no accomplishment, no pleasure, no satisfaction. another futile day lived in my undead life.

there was rain. again. in the afternoon. deadly rain. a rain that smelled of evil spirits, of the wickedness of hell, of the imminent downfall. it was a boiling feeling. like the rain were the bubbles in a boiling pot with the lid closed. like the orange sky was the flames of the fire capped by the grey steel lid. like the warm humidified air was the compressed vapours in the pressure cooker. it was evil in it's manifestation. it was like sharp acid splattering on the sidewalks, it was like hot oil sizzling in the pan. it was not a cooling or refreshing rain. it was not gentle and wet. it was, just evil. and evil had it's day.


vendredi, avril 23, 2004
   


Ah. what a magnificent afternoon today.
In thunder, lightning and in rain. The sky grew dark, as if the sun had decided to set earlier than usual. but maybe not, because it went from white to ashen grew, skipping past the pale blue, the warm yellow and the fiery red. The air turned as if the vortex in a cooking pot. moist, dripping wet, stiffling calm. the quick coolness brought by the sudden absence of sunrays which we've been accustomed to in the recent days. the temperature line, against most logic, fell past the meticulous measurements of the meteorologists. it was a gentle warning, short too. as the light wind stirred up the crisp leaves, enough was enough and it came. screaming downwards, on a deadly path it was destined to follow to it's painful end. like the blanket bombing runs of World War II, like the command of release given to the ranks of Elven archers, the projectiles struck down from the heights, unavoidable, unstoppable. The crash landings sounded off with the harsh knock of impact, matter fragmenting into fractions. the rubble of projectiles piled on one after another, building up a layer on the warground. the trees shuddered under the assault, weaker leaves being shredded apart to their graves. the vehicles, made of fire-wrought metal, held fast, the drops bouncing off the surface unrelentlessly, a blurry hue appeared to surround them. before long the ground were a watery layer, sinking under the aerial flooding. the greyness in the distance faded to whiteness as the roar crescendoed. whiteness made up for in opacity what it lost in transparency. soon what was left were only the closest trees, the few parked cars, and the submerged asphalt. the ocean boiled from the splashes, each drop creating another depression, rebounce, ripple. the ends of the ocean fleeing into crevices and drains, cascading into larger rivers rushing away. the swift raindrops, with such excellent speed, seemed more like grey lines rather than single drops in movement. all this while the heavens sounded like a disco ball, lightning flashes went past every minute, with the rumbling thunder not far behind. various kinds of lightning and various kinds of thunder came. there were the resounding claps, the prolonged roars, the sharp booms, the low purrs and the swift whips. the astounding way in which the lightning thunder kept up forever, in the amazing rain. all the fury, the depression, the angst, the sadness, the hurt, the blame, the despair, the bewilderment, the confusion. all the raw feelings blended into a Frappuccino. as i stood in awe, leaning back against the wall, sheltered by a slight overhang and the fortunate direction of the opposite slanting rain. the endless sounds were almost that of a large waterfall, with the background roar and the varying accessories. the endless splashing and pouring of a limitless volume of water. the noise echoing within the walls of water. it was, beauty in violence. it was a long time which i stood there, long enough to watch the wind change direction, as the patterns on the ocean altered their movement, as the strong spray reached over to my shoes, wet them, and moved up to my pants. i went back in thereafter. i wanted so much to step out and dance in the rain, in celebration.
the storm ended almost as hastily as it arrived. the lightning and thunder ceased, the water slackened, and the sky cleared. it came, did all it did in as little time as possible, and left.


   

have finally gotten a gmail account, despite all the controversy.

jianhui@gmail.com


   

♦ 9

Joker feels himself growing, he feels it in his arms and legs, he feels that he isn’t just something he's imagining. He feels his anthropomorphic animal's mouth sprouting enamel and victory. He feels the lightness of the primate's ribs under his dressing gown, feels the steady pulse that beats and beats, pumping the warm fluid into his body now.

Maya - Jostein Gaarder


jeudi, avril 22, 2004
   

♦ 8

There can be no denying that creating an entire world is a highly commendable achievement. Though even more respect must be due to an entire world capable of creating itself. And vice versa: the mere experience of being created is as nothing compared to the overwhelming sensation of conjuring oneself out of zilch and standing completely on one's own two feet.

Maya - Jostein Gaarder


mercredi, avril 21, 2004
   

♦ 7

Who could enjoy the cosmic fireworks display when the rows of seats in the heavens were filled with nothing but ice and fire? Who could have guessed that the first bold amphibian was not only crawling one small step up the shore, but also taking a giant leap on the long road to the point where primates could see a panorama of their proud evolution from the start of that selfsame road? The applause for the Big Bang was heard only fifteen billion years after the explosion.

Maya - Jostein Gaarder


mardi, avril 20, 2004
   

in a lone patch down by the silver creek
where the salmon come alive
stood tall a rotten apple tree
bearing the fruit of life

came along a stubborn soul
born of endless greed
who fixed a ladder of timbered planks
but for a morsel to eat

adventuring up the rickety wreck
teetering tottering forth
but behold one leg snaps in two
leaving but the other to hold

hurries the fool up the steps
chancing on a branch to grab
precariously swaying round and round
while stable to unstable met

one hand left to fling about
an inch but yet to far
waiting thus for the apple fall
'fore hunger death and dusk shall past


   

20.04.2004 20:04hrs

the americans don't get it.
more play of numbers in the new millienia.

it is today.


   

Nicoll Highway collapse.
what big news.
suddenly there's news, finalement.
one of our most major construction incident so far. inevitably, singapore slips and falls on the rare occassion. it was surprising that the section looked surprisingly clear of vehicles. wonder if the drivers all had time to react. a few token deaths, light casualty rate for the severity of the disaster. bypass surgery required. the monotony of life is broken.


   

♦ 6

In the beginning there was the Big Bang, and that was a very long time ago. This is just a reminder of this evening's extra performance. You can still grab a ticket. In brief, the encore revolves around the creation of the performance's audience. And in any case, without an audience to applaud it would be unreasonable to describe the event as a performance. Seats are still available.

Maya - Jostein Gaarder


lundi, avril 19, 2004
   

my everlasting sorethroat, which sprung into action last tuesday, has finally shown signs of relenting. after popping lousy SAF lozenges like sweets, after finishing more than a box of expensive Difflam Lozenges. rather amazing that it kept up for so long, and even more amazing that i did not develop a fever, as i fully expected to. prolonged sore throat tends to lead to fever for me.

ouch ouch... ouch.


   

♦ 5

If there is a god, he is not only a wizard at leaving clues behind. More than anything, he's a master of concealment. And the world is not something that gives itself away. The heavens still keep their secrets. There is little gossip amongst the stars. But no one has forgotten the Big Bang yet. Since then, silence has reigned supreme, and everything there is moving away. One can still come across a moon. Or a comet. Just don't expect friendly greetings. No visiting cards are printed in space.

Maya - Jostein Gaarder


dimanche, avril 18, 2004
   

♦ 4

Like enchanted mist the panorama rises, through the mist, above the mist. The Neanderthal's lionised half-brother clasps his brow knowing that behind his primate's forehead swims the soft cerebral matter, evolution's auto-pilot, the protein festival's airbag between mind and matter.

Maya - Jostein Gaarder


samedi, avril 17, 2004
   

♦ 3

The cobweb of family secrets has stretched from the micropuzzle in the primeval soup to the clairvoyant lobed-finned fish and advanced amphibians. Carefully, the baton has been carried on by warm-blooded reptiles, acrobatic prosimians, and gloomy anthropoid apes. Did some latent self-perception lurk deep in the reptilian brain? Did no eccentric anthropoid ever get a soporific inkling of the master plan itself?

Maya - Jostein Gaarder


vendredi, avril 16, 2004
   

Mahler's Symphony Of A Thousand
Singapore Symphony Orchestra

When: 29 & 30 May 2004 (Sat & Sun), 7.30 PM at the Concert Hall, Esplanade

One of the greatest musical extravaganzas ever written, Mahler's Eighth Symphony is scored for eight vocalists, double chorus, a boys' choir, and an enlarged orchestra. The Latvija State Choir and the China Children's Choir join forces with local choruses, the SSO, and eight soloists from Asia and Europe to present the Southeast Asian premiere of the work under the baton of Maestro Lan Shui.

90mins, no intermission


   

Trivia | In our lifetime, we wear out and regenerate:
228 intestinal walls
25 skin covering of lips
18 livers
8 tracheas
6 bladders
amongst others.

-a book in kino.


   

Far From the Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy

Chapter 25 - The New Acquaintance Described

Idiosyncrasy and vicissitude had combined to stamp Sergeant Troy as an exceptional being.

He was a man to whom memories were an encumbrance, and anticipations a superfluity. Simply feeling, considering, and caring for what was before his eyes, he was vulnerable only in the present. His outlook upon time was as a transient flash of the eye now and then: that projection of consciousness into days gone by and to come, which makes the past a synonym for the pathetic and the future a word for circumspection, was foreign to Troy. With him the past was yesterday; the future, to-morrow; never, the day after.


   

it was with a certain resignation that he lived out the last moments.
A fragile dream broken.
Seated there in the crowd, awaiting the message that never arrived.

A deep perplexed unhappiness,
with a view of absurdum,
tending towards giving up hope.
Silent, waterless tears


   

star light, star bright
first star that i see tonight
i wish i may, i wish i might
have the wish that i wish tonight


   

| STAR WARS | Episode III |

tentative date May 19th, 2005. for United States.

release dates for other countries to be announced.


   

♦ 2

The secret path doesn’t wind inward, it winds outward, not into the labyrinths but out of the labyrinths. Up from hydrogen vapour, rotating whorls and exploding supernovas, the secret path has passed. The final leg has been a web of self-made macromolecules.

Maya - Jostein Gaarder


jeudi, avril 15, 2004
   

♦ 1

Something cocks an ear and opens an eye: up from the tongues of flame, up from the thick primeval soup, up through the caves, and up, up above the horizon of the steppes.

Maya - Jostein Gaarder


mercredi, avril 14, 2004
   

hm this blog is turning out surprisingly colorful. not supposed to.


   

♣13

We bear and are borne by a soul we do not know. When
the riddle raises itself up on two legs without being
solved, it is our turn. When the dream picture pinches
its own arm without waking, it is us. For we are the
riddle no one guesses. We are the fairy-tale trapped
in its own image. We are what moves on and on without
arriving at understanding.


Maya - Jostein Gaarder


mardi, avril 13, 2004
   

† .. L i F e S u X ¿ .. †


   

♣12

A longing pervades the world. The bigger and mightier a thing is, the keener its lack of redemption is felt. Who listens to the sand grain's suffering? Who lends an ear to the louse's longing? If nothing existed, no one would yearn for anything at all.

Maya - Jostein Gaarder


lundi, avril 12, 2004
   

Life Is Beautiful - Michelle Tumes

There was a young girl long ago
Who lived a peaceful life untold
She understood that love
Was everything

She had no rings on her fingers
She had diamonds in her eyes
She had no money to be reckoned with
She had love within her life
And I heard her singing

Wouldn't you say?
Wouldn't you say?
Wouldn't you say?
That life is beautiful

She sang of things that pleased her soul
She questioned life and made it known
She stored her knowledge deep inside
Her mind

She had no mansion on a hillside
She had castles in the sky
She had no gold for inheritance
She had time on her side
And I heard her singing

Wouldn't you say?
Would you say?
Wouldn't you say?

That life is beautiful...




   

♣11

Joker moves amongst elves in a primate's guise. He peers down at a pair of strange hands, strokes a cheek he doesn't know, clasps his brow and knows that within lies the haunting riddle of the self, the soul's plasma, the jelly of cognition. Closer to the essence of things he will never come. He has a vague notion that he must be a transplanted brain. Therefore he is no longer himself.

Maya - Jostein Gaarder


dimanche, avril 11, 2004
   

MajorGeeks.com - Geek it 'till it MHz

dug out a site that has lots of junky tools that's useful for the computer. like if u want to know Every Single Detail about your CPU, and if you want to measure the distance travelled by your cursor.

sigh.


   

♣10

There's nothing odd about the fact that the Creator is supposed to have recoiled a pace or two after moulding man from dust and breathing life into his nostrils, and turning him into a living being. The surprising thing about the event was Adam's lack of astonishment.

Maya - Jostein Gaarder


samedi, avril 10, 2004
   

Where once was light, now darkness falls.
Where once was love, love is no more.
Don't say goodbye.
Don't say I didn't try.

These tears we cry,
are falling rain
For all the lies you told us,
the hurt, the blame.
And we will wait
to be so alone.
We are lost,
We can never go home.

So in the end,
I'll be what I will be,
No loyal friend,
was ever there for me.
Now we say goodbye,
we say you didn't try.

These tears you cry,
have come too late.
Take back the lies,
the hurt, the blame.
And you will wake
when you face the end alone.
You are lost,
you can never go home.

You are lost,


   

♣9

Joker feels himself growing, he feels it in his arms and legs, he feels that he isn't just something he's imagining. He feels his anthropomorphic animal's mouth sprouting enamel and victory. He feels the lightness of the primate's ribs under his dressing gown, feels the steady pulse that beats and beats, pumping the warm fluid into his body now.

Maya - Jostein Gaarder


jeudi, avril 08, 2004
   

quod erat demonstrandum
which was the thing to be proved
the three words so hard to remember


   



as the title goes. haha.
gotta Free Tickets to the broadway musical @ Esplanade Theatre.
poor fools can't sell out the show. not surprisingly, after i checked out the sistic website. they've got shows from 3Apr all the way to 2May. wun their Legs die or sumthing. and 2 shows on weekends somemore.
and their tickets are so madly expensive. $130 for Most of the seats. like 75%. mad decibel deafening volume in the theatre. well.
i liked the weird props, the lighting, the sound. the 'tiny' people hiding in the orchestra pit and making a helluva noise thru the speakers.
those dancers can actually make silly moves look great. they're all so good at dancing. it's amazing how the women can prance around in high heels without tripping, falling, stabbing someone, and causing their pointy pointies to fly off.

a rather nice experience, compared to boring movies and TV. too expensive for me though.


   

♣7

Who could enjoy the cosmic fireworks display when the rows of seats in the heavens were filled with nothing but ice and fire? Who could have guessed that the first bold amphibian was not only crawling one small step up the shore, but also taking a giant leap on the long road to the point where primates could see a panorama of their proud evolution from the start of that selfsame road? The applause for the Big Bang was heard only fifteen billion years after the explosion.

Maya - Jostein Gaarder


   

starfish in the ocean
squirrel in the tree
red moon in the sunset
just the wind is free


mercredi, avril 07, 2004
   

♣6

In the beginning there was the Big Bang, and that was a very long time ago. This is just a reminder of this evening’s extra performance. You can still grab a ticket. In brief, the encore revolves around the creation of the performance’s audience. And in any case, without an audience to applaud it would be unreasonable to describe the event as a performance. Seats are still available.

Maya - Jostein Gaarder


mardi, avril 06, 2004
   

♣5

If there is a god, he is not only a wizard at leaving clues behind. More than anything, he's a master of concealment. And the world is not something that gives itself away. The heavens still keep their secrets. There is little gossip amongst the stars. But no one has forgotten the Big Bang yet. Since then, silence has reigned supreme, and everything there is moving away. One can still come across a moon. Or a comet. Just don't expect friendly greetings. No visiting cards are printed in space.

Maya - Jostein Gaarder


lundi, avril 05, 2004
   

AMD me.

Let me see every bead of sweat, on every of the minions I now rule.


>AMD poster at Sim Lim


   


   

♣4

One asks: what is the chance of something coming into existence out of nothing? Or the opposite, of course: how great are the odds that something can have existed for ever? And either way: is it possible to calculate the odds of cosmic material suddenly one morning rubbing the sleep of ages out of its eyes and waking up to consciousness of itself?

Maya - Jostein Gaarder


dimanche, avril 04, 2004
   

Gmail

WOAH!. discovered that yahoo.mail upped my account to 100mb limit, wonder if it's for real. but it's believable, with Gmail (Google Mail) just round the corner. Google's giving 1000 mb of storage space!!! amazement. things are looking good. but Gmail's still in testing phase, not avail yet. hence, wait. 100mb 1000mb. what's hotmail at now?

and yahoo.mail also increased attachments to max 10 for total of 10mb. hm hm.


   

♣3

Here and now the voice is articulated by the heirs of amphibians. It is coughed up by the nephews of terrestrial lizards in the asphalt jungle. The question posed by the heirs of the furry vertebrates is whether there is any reason beyond this shameless cocoon which grows and grows in every direction.

Maya - Jostein Gaarder


   

04-04-04

the date number games. unlucky numbers. well, is it? anything bad happened today?
how come it with coincided with qing ming. hm.

so there. 040404 04hrs04mins04s.


samedi, avril 03, 2004
   

♣2

To the impartial eye, the world not only seems an unlikely one-off phenomenon, but a constant strain on reason. If reason exists, that is, if a neutral reason exists. So speaks the voice from within. So speaks Joker's voice.

Maya - Jostein Gaarder


   


HAHA! a week back my comp kept crashing for me. hang in the middle of nowhere significant, unresponsive. poke restart button, screen go blank, hard disk light on, cdrom drive whirls a little, and it stops there. no BIOS, no startup, nothing. had to turn off power and on to get it to move along again. baffled for awhile.
finally, used my Motherboard Monitor program to check on my CPU's temperature, and !FEVER! 80 degrees celcius! no wonder the CPU crashed repeatedly. opened up my computer and found that the darn processor fan was not spinning. sigh.
today went Sim Lim, bought a $16 fan with heatsink. gingerly pried the old one off, dabbed some thermal conducting paste on (juz some white gooey stuff), and replaced the old silver heatsink with my new blue and bigger one. yay. so now it spins nicely. and the processor doesn't overheat, and it doesn't reach 80 degrees anymore. hoving around 32 degrees.
dun like to touch the processor, have always been scared of that part. too expensive to dabble with. finally realised that the processor is only the thin slab at the bottom of that mountain of a heatsink and fan. it's only like 5mm high, the rest of the thingy is juz to cool it.
was drooling over the CoolerMaster Aero Jet 7+, this aeroplane turbine like CPU fan. a real monster, huge and powderful. looks imposing. sigh, i want a nice new computer. want to play with more computer parts.
saw really pretty motherboards today. colour-coded boards with funky stuff on them. cool graphic cards with insane fan, and one that even has a wind tunnel on it. it's so big it takes up Two slots instead of one. wow.
lots of pretty cases there, smooth black ones, irksome transparent one.
so fun!.


vendredi, avril 02, 2004
   

♣1

There exists a world. In terms of probability this borders on the impossible. It would have been far more likely if, by chance, there was nothing at all. Then, at least, no one would have begun asking why there was nothing.

-
here commences the Maya Manifesto. taken out of the book Maya by Josten Gaarder. an excellent book, though admittedly absolutely hard to read and comprehend. nevertheless, a wonderful piece of manifesto and thought-provoking messages. there is one for every card in the deck. enjoy!


   

/Wednesday.
interunit bowling competition at Orchid Country Club. chanced upon PUB having scholarship selection activities there. nothing very interesting about the army fellas bowling. the more eye catching sight were the Sports School people training there. Sec 1s, mostly. some really small kids. looking very pro with all the equipment and stuff. not knowing whether to be envious of them. sports school. and a weird life. how long would bowling last. repeated bowling can seem such a bore at times.

/Thursday
Unit anniversary. on April Fool. is that silly or what. i wonder which smart alec was it. uncanny coincidence, or a joke.

went to St Andrew's Cathedral in the afternoon and sat there for some time. a relatively shabby place compared with the newer churches around. how odd. i always thought religious associations tend to have little problem raising funds. the dust, the flaking paint, the dim gloom, the slow fans, the old walls, the sharp spikes and scaly pillars reminding me of more ancient times. it exudes an air of history and magnificence. more impressive and valuable than other churches. it looks like a family place, a natural building that arose out of beauty instead of money.

/
have been feeling very weak this week. starting to exercise again. but that doesn't explain why im so weak and energy-less. aching feet, ankle, calves, lower legs. have no idea why im so tired. been sleeping 7 hrs mostly, yet...


Lord of the Rings Online!
Level 47 Elf Hunter Vindyamiriel

song of the moment:
de Jax
孙燕姿 - 雨天
周杰伦 - 珊瑚海


林俊杰&金莎 - 被风吹过的夏天
Kitaro - Symphony of Dreams
James Blunt - You Are Beautiful
Clannad - Seachran Charn Tsiail
Céline Dion - En attendant ses pas
ASIE - Et puis la terre
陈奕迅 - 十年
Yanni - Before I Go
Céline Dion/Garou - Sous le vent Dido - White Flag
梁静茹 - 如果有一天 [歌/词]
Natalie Imbruglia - Torn

6 km

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