finally heard the sounds of a majestic choir with so many soloists with so many orchestra players. WHOA. one of the first thing you notice that it's just LOUD. madly madly loud, when everyone's singing and everyone's playing lar. but i suspect the SSO wasn't playing That loud still. after all, at some points, a single brass instrument could outblast the entire combined choir. i wished it could have been 1060 performers though, like it's premiere, well, if only we had a bigger concert hall.

rather intrigued by the 2 harps present as well. budden they din play much, sadly. didn't really appreciate the bloody bulk of a grand piano in there. don't see why they still need a grand piano with all that ton of instruments. can't really hear it anywhere. anyway it looks pretty small and inconspicuous. imagine, a grand piano looking small, haha.

must confess i can't understand almost everything of the symphony, after all, it's not in english. (the Straits Times reviewer does a better job of analyzing the performance, quite amused when she remarked that the SSO rose to the occassion but they should strive to reproduce their abilities at more routine concerts.) but they provided a rather thick programme booklet, which was really great. it describes the movements and the story progression somewhat.
i suppose i went more for the experience than anything else. go for more interesting and abnormal performances! it's a piece of work that takes so much audacity and drive to pull through.. grab the chance to go for it whilst it's here. how many more times in my lifetime will it drop by again. some things just can't wait till we're richer, and too old.

i'm sure Matthew found it a fascinating evening, even though he was only invited by me to go just a couple of days before. good thing he didn't get put off by his illness and parents. (matthew: i think i didn't dress as formally coz i'm rather used to going to esplanade, it's like my hangout) a pity some people couldn't make it. a pity that i didn't know Connor would have liked to go too. some other time perhaps. nothing coming up this year, till next year. till the next Arts Festival.

$30... 90 minutes... i think it sure beats 4 movies anytime. i wish more people could have gone, i believe many people wanted to. sitting in the row in front of me were 5 or 6 old folks. at first i wondered if they really knew what they were here for, but, i decided they deserved a chance to listen too. come to think of it, they bought tickets even earlier than me, which must have been within the first few days of opening sales. not bad. i don't believe Kevin Kern is worth going for, by the way. All his stuff sounds pretty much the same to me. wonder who's the boring composer, or did he do it himself.

oh, and they were filming the performance, so those who want to watch it can probably tune in to Arts Central sometime. of course the sound won't be as nice, but you'll get closeups of the performers (maybe i should watch for that).

okie. dun start getting jealous. yep. =]

another bloody row with my mother. i suppose it was rather overdue, recent days have been too peaceful. again. so what. always. renewed reminded drive to run away from home.

whatever.

"I have lived too long with pain, I won't know who I am without it"

yesterday, parts of yesterday, there were periods of silence, of tension, of strife, of impatience, of irritation, of unhappiness. periods where life seemed really bad to me. where i so hated parts of myself. it wasn't that i did not want to be happy. it wasn't that i was unhappy. my lack of interest in the world discouraged me, frustrated me, confused me. somehow wished i was just a silly bimbo who catch on to adverts, who gets cheered up by frivolities, who remembers not that there is a day after tomorrow except for the movie, who just seems happy.

i should not destroy other's good moods with my bad ones.


some time back, things happened, things changed. parts of me changed in ways that are not reversible, parts of me were lost that will probably never return. parts that were good. things changed and will never be the same again. sadly.

half a year ago when i spotted it in an arts fest brochure, i knew i wanted to go for it. and it was a long wait till they started selling tickets in April.
In the end, it was the other person who couldn't make it for the performance. and again.

what a ton of troubles. it almost seems cursed, plagued. why do i have this feeling that something might happen tomorrow as well.


it just seems so sad that the things i really want, are those which tend not to appear. i find that things which i didn't really wish for, seem to turn out better. wanting something too badly just seems to make it go away.

everytime i go there, they seem to cordon off a different section of the airport for renovation works. Terminal 2 is in a mess. well. what a lot of people there today.
T2 viewing gallery is now practically destroyed. when you enter, whether you turn left or right, you'll meet the 'wall' in the same number of steps. that's how small it is now. thanks to their dunno-what construction works. sad sad. what to do. wait for a nicer newer airport. so there.
flight.

December 17 was the date of Oliver Wright's first Flight.[read this off a keychain in WH Smith.]
I was Born to Fly.

ortho/CMP.
ex-RMJ x2/12
to be reviewed
whatever lar.
-

surprise news Connor's brother got warded at SGH for kidney problems. nephrosis. bad. communication error, else i would have dropped by to look.

went Sentosa for a walk. stupid beach is still so destroyed by the construction works, ugh. shall not go back there until complete it. eyesore. saw this peacock hanging around. flew up the tree when i got too close. silly bird shrieking to dunno-who. thundery lightening skies. blood red skies on western half and cool blue on eastern half. felt like i was at the middle. yep. watched lightning strike down over the anchored ships. oh yar and the pedestrian path on the sentosa bridge is being dug up, can't walk in, idiot, made me take bus. saw some of the Musical Fountain show, from the opposite side. it's much closer to the water and the fire, though cant see the laser projections properly. quite fun to stand up there and wave and wonder if the camera pressing tourists notice me. haha. maybe not, the stage is huge after all. tourist season, holiday season, all the tree lights are on, path lights are on. quite a few tourist groups, one dunon what japanese school. was wondering, if you were a tourist, and you only have one day to visit a place, and then it rains (which is what happens), how would you feel. isn't it like a waste to come so far and not see something. if i'm on a holiday, i would give more time to myself. shouldn't rush things. yup it rained, and i got wet, again. somehow the umbrella slipped my mind again. ah well. nvm. in rain is fun.

Had Apple Crumble Pie and Schweppes' Bitter Lemon again, haha. i want my pie, i want my pie. somehow now i'm perpetually hungry, odd, even just after eating. (..."odd, even"...?? hmm) i want pie.
was thinking that Bitter Lemon is my taste of Life. sour and bitter about my life right now. ah well. Quinine content in the drink.

i want to travel, but i suppose it won't be anytime soon. no chance, no money, no time, no people. i'll go in the future, far future. sigh. have to wait so many years?
i want to earn enough money (which i will prob needs lots of), quit my job, shut down my house, archive everything, and go off. i'll travel through all the countries, all the relatively interesting ones that is. can hike, cycle, trek, caravan, drive, train.. not much plane needed since it's going in series. so i'll just spend a few weeks or few months at each country. prob a years in europe. live there. see Everything. the small stuff the big stuff. take googolplexes of pictures, accumulate tons of junk, get a weathered pilgrim look. i can bring my flute along and play for people to hear, for fun, for laughter, for charity. and i'll be gone many years. many many. maybe i'll come back in between, maybe not, maybe i'll need to store my junk.
and after i'm done with all that, it'll be best to conclude life since what needs to be done is done.
that's what i shall do.
(people can join me awhile from time to time, haha)

took a trip down to HQMC today, back to nee soon. to collect BCU trolley, CPU and posters, and also sign some claim form for 1SG Avia. went with Matthew and Hongyi. not bad, at least we did many things. met Edmund! haha. it's almost impossible to go Nee Soon without meeting someone, unless it's in the middle of the night. great Edmund brought me around and gave me tons of posters, stickers, fliers. for medical centre use. shall have fun with the AIDS sticker and the No Smoking sign poster. can stick the No Smoking sticker at all the designated smoking points in camp. bleh, who cares about them smokers. bleh. haha. great fun. why is it so much easier to click with my cmc6 group of pple compared to the current pple in medical centre. there were nicer people then. people who did things together, same things, all the things. and more. perhaps they were more my type. nvm.

NDP rehearsal today in camp. progress is showing. parade people trying out formation moving and displays. blah silly to do silly formations. let the dancers performaers do it, i'm sure it looks betta. and the Guard of Honour was doing their firing rifle thingy, with their blanks, and making so much noise. haven't mentioned it before that SCDF pple carry silly looking water guns. always look so funny.

Yit Fun appeared at my medical centre today. reported sick for goodness gracious reasons. so apparently he's been posted to SMP, khatib camp too. welcome another member to the camp. more friends to look for now, yay. what a colorful NS history he has, hah. Joshua! come look for us o'ver here, or get posted here to. so nice to see many friends around, everywhere, all over the place. common enemy too.

which reminds me that Mario appeared the other day too! my RI classmate Mario. on course at SMP. so many people. he's off slacking in a good job after amazing eczema. he had a great time in Taiwan too. said that the Taiwan riots were actually very fake and contained. it all happened within a square because nobody dared to go out coz if they go out, the military can come in instead of the polie. and pple'll just come after working hours and the police will prepare everything, rearrange the road blocks again to face them. ah well.

people people.

This is one of the Uniquely Singapore advertisements, featuring Sentosa:

You'll get closer to nature at Sentosa.
Want to keep the kids occupied while you relax? Sentosa has the answer. We offer a world of adventure that will keep the liveliest youngster entertained. From the beach to the Butterfly Park and the delight of the free daily animal and bird shows, there are oodles of attractions just waiting to be explored. So, if you're looking for the ideal place to take the whole family, take a new look at Sentosa.


This is one of Australia's new series of advertisements. theme: A Different Light.

"Sydneysiders will drop everything to strip into a bathing suit!"
-Lonely Planet's Australia.

It's the way the light changes everything. It's a place where colours are true, skies are tall and the light shifts perspectives wherever it shines. Live life in a different light.


aint sg's advert rather lousy? and boring... ["/]

thx to yuyi for sending me the mp3 of Life is Beautiful. and some other of her songs. been rather sad since i lost a coupla hundred of my mp3s. slowly rebuilding. yupz.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez, the author of incomprehensible One Hundered Years in Solitude, has produced this starkly straightforward and plain english short story. what a thin book with so few words compared to that heavyweight. though it still has a twisting turning story.. Well, of course it was the title that attracted me most. This weird story of how this guy got murdered. shall not be spoiler and tell the story. but the thing is that he got murdered even though the murder was announced to everyone, all the villagers knew about, everyone tried to stop it but didn't / couldn't. and the unfortunate turn of events, where everything he did was out of normal habit, everything was unintentional. and weirdly, oddly, unexpectedly expectedly, the murder did happen. I suppose the book just gives you this weird feeling. not really puzzlement, not really suspense, not really anything. it's a short and easy to read book, do read it. at least it has a really unique story. yep.

Percentage Occurence of each letter of the English alphabet when in use:
discovered this in one of my leftover files, maybe matthew will find it useful.

a 8.2
b 1.5
c 2.8
d 4.3
e 12.7
f 2.2
g 2.0
h 6.1
i 7.0
j 0.2
k 0.8
l 4.0
m 2.4
n 6.7
o 7.5
p 1.9
q 0.1
r 6.0
s 6.3
t 9.1
u 2.8
v 1.0
w 2.4
x 0.2
y 2.0
z 0.1

Four doctors.
Four doctors from Marbella went duck shooting one day. Included in the group were a GP, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist and a surgeon. After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated. "I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.

Another bird appeared in the sky. This time the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.

Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity. "Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.

Finally a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the others beside him. "Go see if that was a duck, will you?

Volvo Advert
a rather intriguing documentary by Volvo. they have such great adverts, these people. i like them.

my illegal lab test report. which cost the SAF a little bit of money. yup. Fasting Lipid test, Fasting Glucose test, Full Blood Count, HIV Screening. only the HIV was supposed to be done, but heck, just do all the IPPT Phase 1 screening tests since there's so much blood left. lala. there's till electrolyte panel and Hep B screening that I havent done, hmm.

report from Quest Laboratories.
Date: 19/05/04

	Result	Unit	Reference Range
Lipid Profile Total Cholesterol HDL Cholesterol Cholesterol / HDL Ratio	3.83 1.42 2.70	mmol / L mmol / L -	(<5.25) (1.00 - 1.80) (< 4.41)
Biochemistry Glucose HIV Ag/Ab	4.8 Non-reactive	mmol / L -	(3.6 - 6.4) -
Haemotology Haemoglobin Total White cell count	14.4 7.47	g/dL x10^9 / L	(13.5 - 18.0) (4.00 - 11.00)
Differential Count   Neutrophils   Lymphocytes   Monocytes   Eosinophils   Basophils	% 50.20 37.22 7.23 3.88 1.34	Abs 3.75 x10^9 / L 2.78 x10^9 / L 0.54 x10^9 / L 0.29 x10^9 / L 0.10 x10^9 / L	(2.00 - 7.50) (1.50 - 4.00) (0.20 - 0.80) (0.04 - 0.40) (< 0.21)
Red cell count Platelets PCV	5.2 248 0.44	x10^12 / L x10^9 / L -	(4.50 - 6.50) (150 - 400) 0.40 - 0.54)
MCV MCH MCHC RDW	84 28 33 13.3	f L pg g / dL %	(76 - 96) (27 - 32) (31 - 36) (11.0 - 15.5)

as you can see, i'm so healthy!!! most stuffs are in the middle of the reference range, which is great!
BUT, my haemoglobin count is so darn low, grr. how to incresae it without going to the Himalayas. if only i could increase that, then i won't feel so oxygen starved, and my pulse rate can drop below 60+
what my MCH so low, whatever that is.

not too bad a day, however tiring.
more squash in the afternoon. the current fad over here i guess. shrug, it's good. more people played together, 3 who know how to play and 3 who don't. guess it's not too hard to pick up squash, especially if u do play other racquet games. still find it rather tiring, i'm so weak. destroyed my blister abit more by playing. and now my butty gluteus maximus aches. ouchy sitting down. hmph. ah well, should remember to stretch before and after intensive exercise, it does help a lot.

dinner at Northpoint. some silly drama before that, but not worth remembering or knowing. main target was Swensen's icecream though. haha. well, should not let me try to think of what to eat, it usually ends up as something nice and expensive or else food is just food. Regular Earthquake containing Strawberry, Mocha Almond, Sticky Chewy Chocolate, Vanilla, Peppermint, Cookies N Cream, Yummy Raisin and some Peanut Butterscotch whatever. not enough chocolate, bleh. water poured into the dry-ice bottle got frozen instead, strangling our smokescreen.

watched some bit of Band of Brothers at medical centre. haven't properly watched the whole thing. hmm the medics in the war looked really crazy and daring. the doctor's real cool too. Easy Company. what a gruesome war. war.

Singapore's F-16 crashes during training in USA.
Routine night training flight from Luke Air Force Base in Arizona on Wednesday night at 8.41pm (11.40am Singapore time).
about 45 minutes into the flight, 90 nautical miles south of the base, communications with the aircraft was lost.

the right angle tree

a funky picture. courtesy of Jax.

the fishes under the jetty. a school of them. first time i've seen a live bunch with my own eyes. strong sunlight going through the water.

there was this poor poor little butterfly hopping about. found that it's wings looked moth-eaten. poor thing.

i want to travel. to go. to see. to be. to do. to hear.
to the weird places, fun places, odd places, lovely places, solemn places.
i want to leave, this terrible life behind, this stiffling stuffy place. this dry-drowning inducing humidity, this dehydration causing heat, this suffocation causing stillness of the air, these claustrophobia causing buildings, these depression causing frowns.
i want to go, but can't.

sigh

just because i'm unhappy, doesn't mean that others can't be unhappy too.
just because i'm depressed, doesn't mean that the world is different through my tinted eyes.
just because i'm sad, doesn't mean that others can't be sad too.
just because i'm happy, doesn't mean others will be happy.
just because i'm preoccupied, doesn't mean i can neglect others.

my unhappiness, doesn't make the unhappiness of others any less painful.
if i am unhappy, i cannot blame others for being unhappy too. i cannot demand others to accede to me. but yet, how shall things go. how do i seek consolation and reassurance. how do i, in reciprocation, give advice and assistance. well.
and then, what do i do, if i need help, and yet i know it will be of little use. and i refuse to/can't get out of my depression. and how do i respond. i am still sad. but it is cruel to be sad for so long. but i Am sad. and not responding is a torture to the friend. and refusing to be helped will only cause more pain. and not being consoled seems like being neglected, ignored.

and yet and yet. it is a dreadful predicament. sadder the sadder the sadder goes.

closeup

ah-ha, reference previous post.
Blogger has a new tie-up with this dunno-what company to provide photoblogging service via ..via IM (instant messaging). however the problem is that u'll need to use their IM, called 'Hello'.
Free hosting of pictures, auto-resizing, framing, captioning, and posting through the IM.
super cool, fast, simple, efficient. except for that one major drawback lor.
yep.
interested follow the link on blogger main site.
*grinz*

Ah, there are the cashew nuts from East Coast Park. these are still on the trees, plenty scattered in the grass. go find!

oh yeah, rekindled the old Squash passion today. played whack-ball squash with Connor today, and with Kwong Ming too. so long since JC. at least i still could play quite okay-ly. now i feel like buying a squash racket.... money money. hmm. unsuccessful at getting Matthew to play with us. shall have to teach him how to play squash too, that guy har. somehow need to imbue some psychomotor sense in him as well. gosh.

anyway Connor hit me with the ball, OUCH. wonderful red volcanic area on medial aspect of my thigh just proximal to my knee. there's this cicular white depression surrounded by a larger red depression. surprisingly it doesn't hurt now, just feels weird. bruise bruise. what a contusion, so much visible little blood clots from the capillaries. and then i've a torn blister on my right middle finger too. dah. ouch 2. return of the ouch. ouch revisited. ouch reloaded. but it was fun, and sweaty. i wish squash rackets handle dun disintegrate on my palms.

blogger left out the gmail offer when they revamped their main site. now it's back, for those who still want it.
anyone dying to have an account, tell me. i can invite you in if and when gmail has another special offer. yep.

the calendar still counts. 1 year left, and ticking. is a year long. it's only been 1 yr 4 mths. shall enjoy more of this life with no consequential worries.

sun burnt/tan at east coast park. not that im really looking for a tan, i can get one easily enough by swimming. and a better one at that. yipee, $5 for two hour ride. great to see the weekday unofficial promotion still going on. they have tons of bikes lying around and not enough customers at the most unpopular time of the week anyway. sadly didn't get to changi airport though. pity. so fun to ride on empty paths. can practise my no-hands cycling properly. still terrible at it, can only go straight for awhile, but at least now i'm sure i CAN do it and it's Not impossible. yay. reach another stage of cycling.
saw a little school of fish hiding under Bedok Jetty seeking shelter from the merciless sun. even them in the water feel the heat, hah. and lots of fruity cashew nut trees, took lots of pictures of the nuts.
was great to be outdoors finally. enjoying the Hot Sun instead of cursing it. sunny shade with sea wind is pretty nice. tradadah.
so great to avoid a camp monday for once. but still have stupid stuff tmr, which i don't want to go for, which i can't decide whether i should skip.

SSO in Botanic Gardens.
went with family. sudden lot of pple swarming to the garden today. couldn't find place to park the car, as usual. in the end stopped by the roadside, in guess what road, Nassim Road. the expensive Monopoly road. haha. just outside the visitor centre gate, which is just up palm valley, so convenient.
very fun to see the whole palm valley multicoloured, lots and lots and lots of mats and picnics and children jumping around, and people fanning themselves, and lots of westerners in gay dresses, wine bottles, plastic glasses, tupperware salads, bread loaves, plates, forks, knifes. yeah, a full-fledged picnic. so fun. very pretty sight. but the sun was terribly hot, even at close to 6pm. did help when sun started going down, but i suppose it will be worse at next week's philwind performance, if the weather keeps up.
a rather short performance by SSO, 3/4 of an hour, a few popular classics. can't hear well with music piped though speakers. excuse for everyone to come out for picnic. great atmosphere, but i can say not everyone was paying lots of attention to the music, heh. some those people even brought candle tealights for when it's darker. how interesting.

-

went Don's at Tanglin to eat dinner. father had some teriyaki chicken w rice, came with a bowl of raw egg. wow. chicken dipped in beaten egg doesn't taste really different, just feeling extremely weird.
took a walk in "That CD shop", feels like buying the whole shop now, sigh. such nice stuff.
went into Tanglin Market Place, found Schweppes' Bitter Lemon drink. and tons of odd food. and so many different brands of yogurt.

Happy Birthday~

after watching something on Discovery Travel channel about northern France, i'm so sad that i don't get to go there. I want to see the fascinating festivals, the laid-back people, the proud heritage, the HUGE gothic cathedrals, the World War relics, the 18 thousand champagne houses in Champagne, the public payphone at the top of the Eiffel Tower, Tour de France, everything.
sniff sniff. i am so saddened.

why are we so urbanised, so pressurised, so stressed, so materialistic, so shallow in history.

why, in the same breath, are we so well educated, so well off, so technologically advanced, so luxurious. we live such a wonderful city life. but sadly, sadly, that's all we have. we don't have the sprawling countryside that the bigger countries have outside their cities. we don't have fields and forests and plains and mountains and farms and rivers and vineyards and clear skies and green fields and sweet air and cool temperatures and comfortable humidity and smiling faces.
it was so endearing to see those people lying back on lawn chairs along the roadsides and cafes, waiting for the Tour de France riders to come by. the roads that merge into grassland, bending round peaceful clumps of shady trees. the totally comical vehicles the Tour sponsers drive by in, the handing out of freebies and stuffies to roadside supporters. the cheering as the cyclists appear in a dense pack. and the swiftness with which the event passes by in just a minute.
but they just do it.
so sweet.

Joseph Heller (1923- )
There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one's own safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.
'That's some catch, that Catch-22,' he observed.
'It's the best there is,' Doc Daneeka agreed.
-Catch-22 (1961)

well well. chanced upon this again in my files.
this was the place where i finally understood Catch-22 properly. failed at plowing through the book.
but, i realised that this sorta applies to the army. everyone wants to get excuses for all sorts of activities. no one is interested in doing more than what is necessary. if we were all not in army, would we appear to have so many medical problems. probably not. (maybe it's good that we try to seek attention for every single minor ailment) but, yup, everyone seems to develop one thing or another. real or otherwise.

Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate,
hate leads to suffering.
I sense much fear in you

-Yoda, Star Wars

Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

W.B. Yeats (1865–1939)
"He Wishes For the Cloths of Heaven"

.acknowlegements to px.

no, the title has nothing to do with anything else. it's just a phrase that i feel like right now. death of a beloved. cry my beloved country.

but that reminds me, one of the camp barbers just passed away a couple of days ago. was rather surprised by the news. rather unexpected death. just the day before, he did my hair. looked fine, looked normal. smoking away as always. was it the smoke? a neglected, overlooked character in the camp. taken for granted as a permanent presence which we often lament. death of a salesman. so he's gone. and so like that. even more surprising was the lack of news about it. it was only through vague rumours that i came to hear of it first. it seemed extremely silly that those peope who keep chasing us to pay up the monthly haircut fees did not seem very bothered by it.

-

why is my friend so troubled today. what ails him.

-

some things in the medical centre are so interesting. diseases, treatment, drugs, stuff we'll never be in so close contact with when we go out. the underside of the clinics that we all go to. the apparent simplicity of all the medications, the familiarity which we know them, the common illnesses and the rare ones. i'll miss giving drugs, miss seeing patients, miss drawing blood for tests. just today i realised i've been so used to needles after a year that they mean nothing to me anymore. using them is like normal and routine. i almost forgot that phobia of needles do exist for many people.

it is one of those time when i go to sleep, wishing i would never wake up to another day.

wonder if you've noticed a new icon beside the webcounter. it's also a counter sort of thingy, but it's by a different provider. NedStat keeps wonderful tracks on visitors, recording details like country, service provider. rather amused to notice pple from University of Manchester, Cornell, some Brazil person??? yeah. i wonder who that was, but im quite sure it was a mismatched search on google. =]

hah, so here arrives a new blog. actually modified a template. i just couldn't sit by without using their superb code. it's actually insanely long, if you examine it, it's xhtml or sth, which i can't do at all. so here's the thing i couldn't resist. not exactly very fine-tuned as of now...

i was so very tempted to put my pretty red blood cell picture on top, and make a bloody red blog again. but then, that's too scary a color. this a nice pleasant blue.

ah, forgot to congratulate Blogger.com on their vunderful revamp. *clap clap* it's so very pretty now, the main site i mean. nice little touches and graphics on all the pages. new system. warm beige colors everywhere. nice. everything is so seamless.
the most commendable part, however, are the new templates. !!! superb new templates that are sooo beautiful that i feel like changing over... sigh. but's it's a template, so common. lots and lots of templates. yeah.
commenting has been built-in to the blogs now, optional, have to turn it on under settings.

hmm, but the gmail link from blogger has disappeared. timed-out probably.
just that day gmail had a Mother's Day promotion where I could invite two pple onto Gmail. part of their way to get more trustable users to test the system. maybe so that they can try out heavier access loads and to prevent pple hacking in.
and today, they have an invite a friend thingy. can only invite one person though. well Connor has used up my invite, so there.

recce day. shall not overlap comments with matthew. interested go read his. =p
shall rant more about the whatever-driver. everyone was so impatient at his pathetic driving. actually, at first it was only his idiotic accelerating and braking flinging everyone about. grr. idiot.
it was after quite a bit of the journey that i realised he's not even familiar with the roads, major roads, landmarks... but, then again, that's still Not That bad.
The worst point is that he doesn't ASK. he just blurblur drives off into some road, wrong turn, or whatever. i've a feeling he can't read signs and have no sense of direction.
somehow, i've a feeling that he doesn't Dare to ask or show that he is unsure of the way. iiddiioott. whatever. are we that Scary to him?
and then, too bad Madame Avia isn't the strong will-ed kinda person. and too bad she herself doesn't know the roads.
after awhile i just gave up caring. it's hard to try to fix things when u're of insignificant rank and power.
larh larh larh.
boring day.
but am rather pleased to see changi airport again, see planes flying over us coming in for landing. the turbine roar and big shadow.
and the airport fire stations!
nvm. heh. but Ferry Terminals are boRing..

oklay

Latest Read: Thomas Hardy - Far From the Madding Crowd.

okay, why do I read such insane stuff. well, after so many years of being vexed due to not knowing what the hell is the book about, I simply Had to read it.
got rather irked out by the defunct English and the extensive descriptions of minutiae, like flowers and fields. the silly woman, and her stupid behaviour towards men wooing her. the silly men. was rather amused that if they like a woman, they go directly to asking for marriage without any significant period of courtship.

now what shall i read next?

after a few years of wishing, inability to make up my mind, and insatisfaction, i've finally chosen a new wallet. but it was still a slightly forced decision. it's not utterly perfect with my wishes, there are minor drawbacks, but i suppose it is as good as any that would ever come my way. New Wallet! so there.
rather thankful that i was forced to make up my mind, else the seach would go on forever and ever and ever. i'm such a picky person.


bought couple of boxes/containers from IKEA too, all in all, a rather productive shopping afternoon. it is not often that I decide to buy something.
now all the junk on my table is nicely sorted out and hidden from dust. yay. still short of a big flat box to cover up the papers though. hm. good enough.

spent a relaxing morning in the medical centre listening to FM 96.3, the International Channel. finally had nice music to listen to. those !@#$%^&* always listen to 98.7 what an indescribably moronic station.

i realise a lot of people are not exposed to nice music, so they don't know what it is and where to get it. getting fed by radio stations is so pathetic. they barely have any breadth and depth in their playlist.
unfortunately, 92.4 scares off too many non-musically inclined people.

Good Morning World! [",]

i stood at the windows, the dark-tinted windows against the darkness of the evening. i stared out, running my eyes over the adjacent block of flats opposite. a mirror image i suppose. two rows of tinted lighted windows running 16 storeys up. family life at night. the flats which lie so empty in the day gets filled up and turned on.

warm orange lamps, daylight coloured lamps, brownish hue through the translucent blinds, the bright staircase lights. a multicoloured facade. and in them, little people moving around. like an aquarium, like simcity, like simtower. the little legs walking around. the woman sitting at the table, tying her hair; the animated discussions; the people appearing, disappearing. a couple returning home from work. the lady opens the door. an orange light flicks on, and the dark windows light up, revealing the furniture within. they enter. the shoes come off. the lady walks around and opens the screen doors. she disappears. the man slowly removes his socks and tie. and then off he disappears too. the light is now still. the people in the houses look so small. the houses look so small. just a 2+ metre high box, small and confined. and so much happens in there. in such little space. it looks so constricted restricted. so much space out here, out there. from such a short distance away, life already looks so small. what about further away.

life so limited.
after learning so much about famous people, significant events and historical milestones, our lives seem so small, worthless and pitiful. we seem to be capable of so little. our lives seem such a waste the way we spend it. so little we can achieve, other than for our own pleasure, enjoyment and amusement.

my knees and ankles ache irritatingly. perhaps, like me, they're getting tired of life. tired of the mundaneness, the futility, the absolute boredom.

-

have i said this before? : the one, and conclusive proof as to the unparalleled importance of National Service to Singapore is their willingness to expend such a magnificent proportion of intellect and workforce on pitiful activities for more than two ultra-productive years of a pitifully short lifespan. it is reasonable to assume confidently that the ministers are not un-aware of how pointless NS life is, to the individual.

but we could say that they can't help it, equality in a democratic society decreeds that all be accorded equal treatment. even though the army doesn't need That many brains. nor does it actually need much brains (in any position). the huge numbers, and the length of term of service, basically arises from a simple need to have a sizeable defence force at any point of time. too bad the population is small, and getting smaller. and no solution is in sight. save for the magic of SDU and DSTA.

nowhere else could subtlety be more distinct and dividing lines more defined than the army. nvm, just a passing comment. with regards to the actual respect accorded to the NSF, the regular Warrants and Specs, and the regular Officers. the NSF rank highest, the Officers second, and the last one, third. simply explained, the first group do so much, in an organisation that's not theirs, and are but serving their time. the second group, mostly have brains, and are largely acceptably capable. the last group, are second-rate commanders, never fit to rise up, but seem to be mere posts created or thrown to those who sign on for lack of a better place to go.

come to think of it (in a bad way), the army doesn't need smart people. smart people think too much, know too much, expect too much, question too much, resist too much, have too high standards of satisfaction.

it is hard not to be cynical, or bitter. love cannot be bought, or forced.

-The Scarlet Ibis

I won't put the text here, because it's four A4 pages long, actually only 1,500 words.
but do please read the short story. it's more than worth it.

for the few who recognise the title, ... Miss Florence Lee did alot of magic.

dug out some old stuff i extracted from a quote book in NTU library.

Le coeur a ses raisons que la raisons ne connait pas. -Pascal
The heart has it's reasons, whereof reason knows nothing.

Ab honesto virum bonum nihil deterrant. -Seneca.
Nothing deters a good man from doing what is honorable.

Justitiae soror fides.
Faith is the sister of justice.

Come t'è picciol fallo amaro morso! - Dante
What grevious pain a little fault doth give thee

Un asno riejo sabe más que un potro. A. Perez.
An old ass knows more than a young colt.

Finxerunt animi, ravo et perpauca loquentis. -Horace.
to action little, less to words inclined.

Qui plus sait, plus se tait.
the more a man knows, the less he talks.

vitam impendere vero
to stake one's life for the truth

we are such stuff as dreams are made on
Propero in 'the tempest'

And the light shineth in darkness, and the darkness comprehended it not.

as paredes têm ouvidos
portugeuse
walls have ears

it's may. we have finished 1/3 of this year. mayday labour day. opening of new NTUC building. understudy of future NTUC Secretary-General. when i read that, i was wondering: why would a minister want to go over and lead NTUC. but that's how powerful and important NTUC is to singapore. and how much it is integrated into PAP. would it be a career advancement? i was so glad i'm not under PSC. i would hate to do this kind of work.

Strange Meeting

It seemed that out of battle I escaped
Down some profound dull tunnel, long since scooped
Through granites which titanic wars had groined.
Yet also there encumbered sleepers groaned,
Too fast in thought or death to be bestirred.
Then, as I probed them, one sprang up, and stared
With piteous recognition in fixed eyes,
Lifting distressful hands as if to bless.
And by his smile, I knew that sullen hall,
By his dead smile I knew we stood in Hell.
With a thousand pains that vision’s face was grained;
Yet no blood reached there from the upper ground,
And no guns thumped, or down the flues made moan.
"Strange friend," I said, "here is no cause to mourn."
"None," said that other, "save the undone years,
The hopelessness. Whatever hope is yours,
Was my life also; I went hunting wild
After the wildest beauty in the world,
Which lies not calm in eyes, or braided hair,
But mocks the steady running of the hour,
And if it grieves, grieves richlier than here.
For of my glee might many men have laughed,
And of my weeping something had been left,
Which must die now. I mean the truth untold,
The pity of war, the pity war distilled.
Now men will go content with what we spoiled,
Or, discontent, boil bloody, and be spilled.
They will be swift with swiftness of the tigress.
None will break ranks, though nations trek from progress.
Courage was mine, and I had mystery,
Wisdom was mine, and I had mastery:
To miss the march of this retreating world
Into vain citadels that are no walled.
Then, when much blood had clogged their chariot-wheels,
I would go up and wash them from sweet wells,
Even with truths that lie too deep for taint.
I would have poured my spirit without stint
But not through wounds; not on the cess of war.
Foreheads of men have bled where no wounds were.
I am the enemy you killed, my friend.
I knew you in this dark: for so you frowned
Yesterday through me as you jabbed and killed.
I parried; but my hands were loath and cold.
Let us sleep now. ...

-Wilfred Owen


there were many who disliked the literature lessons of old. there were many too who could never stand literature. in this poem lies one of my favourite lines.

[Music: John Williams - Theme from Armaggedon]